30 Reasons to be ticked off
1. The annoying hissing noise Canadian geese make when you chase their babies around the park with a sledge hammer.
2.Shaking hands with some brainless clamhead who squeezes so hard he goes around thinking your name is letgo.
3.Receiving your bill from a hotel and there's a 50 cent charge for the call you made downto th lobby to ask how much a phone call cost.
4.When pay per view seduces you with a sexy title like Lick Me
, which turns out to be a documentary on stamps.
5.Looking up a word in the dictionary and having no clue what any of the words in the definition mean, either.
6.Going to a zoo where every animal is either underneath a boulder or lying out in the open totally blitzed on tranquilizer juice.
7.Going to a zoo and all the animals are right up next the glass having intercourse with one another.
8.When the scan button on your radio gets jammed, causing you to listen to ten million very short songs going down the highway.
9.Popping a champagne cork and half the booze ends up in the rug
10.Your friends catching you sucking alcohol out of the carpet.
11.Squeezing the front brakes of a bike and going headfirst over the handlebars, and because your feet are strapped to the pedals, the bike stays adhered to your ass and pile drives your skull to the pavement.
12.Debating evolution with a jaw-jutting, head-scratching moron who insists man didn't descend from apes.
13.Stuttering idiots who correct your English.
14.When you tell some ignoramus what city you live in, and they say,"oh, do you know my friend Harry?"
15.Smokers blowing their foul carcinogens in your face, figuring if they're going to damage their own bodies, they may as well bring along a few hostages.
16.War veterans who pull you aside to show you an actual German head, a bullet hole in their ass, and their one remaining nut.
17.Missing eight songs at a rock concert because you're in the men's room waiting behind a drug addict who can't locate his genitals.
18.Some soup-brained cluckhead turning the lights on in the middle of the night because he"Just wanted to see if you were awake."
19.As a dog is humping your leg, the owner just looks at the beast and says,"How about that?"
l dog owners not caring if their dog humps your leg, but getting all annoyed by you turning the tables and humping their dog.
te louses leaving a centiliter of milk in the fridge, just in case anybody wanted to give their corn flakes a sponge bath.
22.Buffoons screaming "Who had gas?" when it's obvious it was them because the odor hasn't even departed their area yet.
23.When you're swimming in a public pool and some baackstorking moron who can't even see where he's going belts you in the face, and as he swims over you, delviers a dozen flutter kicks to the side of your head.
24.Your piss coming out in three separate streams, none of which is headed anywhere near a toilet.
25.Stupid mulyaks using their fingers to put quotes around what they're saying, as if you can't figure out who the hell's talking.
26.Running full tilt into a closed sliding glass door, and having some idiot say,"Did you think that was open?"
27.Spending ten minutes trying to find the handle to shut a sliding glass door, then realizing its already closed.
28.Thoroughly enjoying yourself whaling down on some moron, then realizing you killed the bastard.
te scumbags putting so much bubble gum on the underside of a chair that there is no room for your piece.
30.Taking a pill for heartburn that gives you diarrhea, which means all you've done is shifted the burning sensation down to you ass.