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'Twas The Night Before Christmas On HaloThe other day I gave my friend Joey the soundtrack to Halo. He'd heard me rant about the cool music, and he'd been curious, and hey, it's Christmas time. So I bought the album, wrapped it up, located his desk (good thing he works the night shift), stuffed the present under his mouse, and sent him an email he wouldn't get until midnight.
It went like this....
'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS... ON HALO
by Contraltissimo
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through Blood Gulch,
EVERY creature was stirring up dust, rock and mulch;
The marines hunkered down amid gunshot and blast,
In hopes that some backup would get there, and fast.
The Covenant approached in their big purple sleds,
While visions of massacres danced in their heads;
My buddy with his pistol and I with my scope,
Were in for the long haul. We hadn't much hope.
Then out on the field there came such a great noise,
I sprang from the bunker, past the rest of the boys.
And into the foxhole I jumped in a rush,
And peaked o'er the edge of the mud and the mush.
The light of the plasma and fires all around
Gave a right hellish glow to the blood-sodden ground,
When, what set my wondering eyes all agog,
But a miniature jeep, yes, a tiny warthog,
With a big muscly driver, like a pile of beef.
I knew in a moment it must be the Chief.
More rapid than lightning he drove through the fray,
And took down whatever got into his way!
With shotgun! Then, needler! Then brute shot and rockets!
Grenades that blow eyeballs right out of their sockets!
To the top of the hill! To the top of the fort!
The elites in his dust cursed him with a "Wort wort!"
As a flat stone thrown over the water with flare
Goes skipping and bounding and catching the air,
So right up on the roof the big vehicle flew:
A jeep full of ammo, and Master Chief too.
And then, in an instant, I heard up on top
The screeching of tires as he came to a stop.
I ran back in the base, and was looking around,
When down through the roof the Chief came with a bound.
From his head to his foot, he was dressed all in green.
His armor was tarnished and looked really mean.
A bundle of weapons he had with him then,
To replenish the ammo of all of the men.
His suit - how it glinted! His helmet ho scary!
His boots were like tank treads. We all were quite wary.
His tough Mjolnir armor was harder than bone,
His visor, to us, as opaque as a stone.
The grip of a gun he held tight in his hand;
He tracked in spent shells all around him like sand.
He had a broad stance and some extra grenades
That shook when he moved, which scared us in spades.
He was well-built and tall, a right powerful Spartan,
And I gasped when I saw him--what a scene to take part in!
With a friendly thumbs-up and a nod of his head,
He assured us the enemy would all soon be dead.
He spoke not a word, but got straight to the point,
With two big rocket launchers that lit up the joint.
And with fingers on triggers we followed him out
'Til the last alien shouted its last dying shout.
Then Chief sprang to his jeep and pealed out and away,
Content that we'd all live to see one more day.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL! NOW LET'S FINISH THE FIGHT!
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