Signed up: 4 years ago (9/02/10)
Last signed in: 7 months ago
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24 year-old male from Roseville, MI
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My LifeSo for a big part of my life I was a recluse. I lived indoors and avoided people id go sometimes 4 months without contacting my own mother. I would constantly think incredibly dark thoughts. A lot of self hating thoughts. I would find that i would get insomnia like things cause i had trouble sleeping all the time. My only contact with the world was the internet and I preferred it that way. After my little breakdown in University it was easier to just fade away and hide in my dark room watching internet videos, like achievement hunter and RVB, so I didn't have to think anymore. Things progressed like this for almost 4 years. I finally got Xbox Live on the 3rd year and I started talking to real people. I started feeling better about myself some of those thoughts would quiet because I found a few friends who I could talk to almost 24/7. I still didn't sleep much but it didn't matter cause I was laughing a lot with my new Live friends. Id listen to music and podcasts and it seemed like things started looking up. I started looking for a job even. I was improving kinda.........then I lost the access to the world. My internet was cut off. I crashed....hard. A month later and I still didn't have a job. Without access to my Live friends I started diving back into depression again. I......tried ending it......I ended up chickening out. I was still deeply dark. But I was lucky. I still had an iPhone. I couldn't load YouTube or RT but I found this free game. through this mmo I began talking to people again....sorta. Long story short I spent countless hours and nights on this game talking with people and shit. A couple months later I met this girl. She came to my group with another guy. We started talking somehow and became pretty good friends. She was funny and entertaining to talk to, I didn't feel awkward sharing some things about myself with her. A few months of talking to her and I was starting to feel like i had when i met my Live friends. She then wanted to talk to me off game and see what i looked like. This scared me for a while cause i hated myself i didn't see why anyone else would see any different. Well she didn't. We still talked.....a lot. I started crushing on her a lot. Then the things with her guy started getting bad turns out he had another woman and kids. She was heartbroken i wanted to do anything i could to help. That's when we started talking on the phone. We talked for hours on end and soon every day. I was falling for this girl even more. This is a strange part.....we started sleeping together on the phone after one time we talked so late we both fell asleep. We decided to meet. I was to go to her place. I managed to get up enough courage to do it. I drove over 6 hours to go see her. We met, I was terrified, she went to sleep and i was gonna take a nap in the guest room but i was wired for sound. i paced her apartment for over 2 hours until my headache made me go to take a nap. Anyway it worked out we had a fun weekend a month later i decided to go visit her again. I had known id fallen in love with this girl. That word and feeling has always been hard to me. But i undoubtedly was in love with her. I told her that, she felt the same way. I am in love with a girl I met online, who is quite a bit older then me, and that i cant see easily but this girl has helped me change my life. I now have a job and am doing pretty well in it. Im far from ok my head is still a little messed up, but Im no longer just standing still. Im moving somewhere and for now that's what makes me happy. I have her. I feel very lucky. Anyway that's a little about me. not many will read this but hey I don't care RT makes awesome content that's really what we are all here for anyway right?
9 months ago  |  Comments (0)
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Name Josh
Birthday March 22nd, 1991
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