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8 years ago (5/01/05)
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2 years ago
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What the deuce?! Stewie: How you uh, how you comin' on that novel you're working on? Huh? Gotta a big, uh, big stack of papers there? Gotta, gotta nice litte story you're working on there? Your big novel you've been working on for 3 years? Huh? Gotta, gotta compelling protaganist? Yeah? Gotta obstacle for him to overcome? Huh? Gotta story brewing there? Working on, working on that for quite some time? Huh? (voice getting higher pitched) Yea, talking about that 3 years ago. Been working on that the whole time? Nice little narrative? Beginning, middle, and end? Some friends become enemies, some enemies become friends? At the end your main character is richer from the experience? Yeah? Yeah? (voice returns to normal) No, no, you deserve some time off.
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Stewie (to one of the prostitutes at Cleveland's house): So, is there any tread left on the tires? Or at this point would it be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway?
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Guy on Airplane: Oh great, I always end up sitting next to a damn baby.
Stewie: What did you just say?
Lois: Stewie, stop fussing.
Stewie: Pipe down Lois. (Slaps guy on head.) Hey big man, turn around. Oh you can't hear me now. I was going to watch the movie, but forget it. For the next 5 hours, you're my bitch.
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(Lois finds a note in Chris's pocket)
Lois: Huh, what's this? You know Stewie, Mommy doesn't usually read things out of Chris's pocket. She's more respectful than that.
Stewie: Whatever helps you sleep at night, bitch.
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Brian: You're drunk.
Stewie: You're sexy.
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Stewie: Damn, must have pulled something playing hoops last week. (Goes to flashback of Stewie playing basketball.)
Stewie: I know you ain't puttin that rock up from here, cause you ain't got no J! (Stewie trips basketball player)
Baskeball player: Yo man, that's trippin!
Stewie: Brotha please, you're the one who's trippin'! Now go on! Cry home to your momma! She waitin' for ya!
Basketball player: Now don't make me stick my size thirteens up yo narrow ass!
Stewie: Oh, sweet! Bring it on bitch! Now how you gonna act?! (Basketball player walks away.) Jeeze! Bringin that trash in here. Dis is my house!!!
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Olivia: You are the weakest link, goodbye. (laughter)
Stewie: Ha ha ha! Oh gosh that's funny! That's really funny! Do you write your own material? Do you? Because that is so fresh. You are the weakest link goodbye. You know, I've, I've never heard anyone make that joke before. Hmm. You're the first. I've never heard anyone reference, reference that outside the program before. Because that's what she says on the show right? Isn't it? You are the weakest link goodbye. And, and yet you've taken that and used it out of context to insult me in this everyday situation. God what a clever, smart girl you must be, to come up with a joke like that all by yourself. That's so fresh too. Any, any Titanic jokes you want to throw at me too as long as we're hitting these phenomena at the height of their popularity. God you're so funny!
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Bill Cosby: Stewie, what do you think candy is made out of?
Stewie Griffin: Sunshine and farts! What the hell kind of question is that?!
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Stewie: You know it's awfully dangerous for me to be walking around the mall at my height. I say, let me get on your back.
Brian: Oh for God sake.
Stewie: Strong with the force young Skywalker is.
Brian: God, I don't believe this.
Stewie: That is why you fail.
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Stewie (to Cleveland): Can I...Can I touch your hair? I'm gonna do it...I'm gonna touch it. Ooohoohoo it's like a sheep.
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Lois: Chris, we know what you did.
Chris: You mean that I lied about my age to get into an Indian casino?
Lois: No.
Chris: You mean about the time I had hard gas and pooed myself?
Peter: Close, but no.
Stewie: How is that close?
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Stewie: It wasn't even about the eggs, really. Frankly, I like the yolks. I have no problem. There's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me. And it's not so much that I want to kill her, it's just, I want her not to be alive anymore. I sometimes wonder if all women are this difficult. And then I think to myself, 'My God wouldn't it be marvelous if i turned out to be a homosexual?
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Rebirth of SlickFor the people who know me, who care, or whatever lol i havent been to active in the past year or so and its probably going to stay the same so lets over the past year or so i have been doing almost the same stuff i did ago year (sad i know) but i have graduated from high school now in college working on my films and machinima lol i love flims and gaming so why not umm what else ohh i have been also trying to help my friend with his music career that something just so fun but really hard to do um i have been playing games competitive now MLG, Gamebattles, Lan so add me if you want to play ok so moving on i get messaged on is asking my age and other things right so im not 20 im 18 i made this account a long long time ago and i put whatever age so moving on lol im glad to see my comment whoring tacticis still working wow i cant beleave that i love reading some of the comments lefts makes my day some times another thing wow i didnt know i had so many friends so if your a poor sap reading this message me tell me whatup you know lol as of right know im try to anwser some messege some of you left me taking a long time sorry well its i dont know 5:57 am and im sure most people wont see this or read it but its all good i ran out of things to say so thanks for reading and be good
oh and sorry for all the grammatical errors im super tired
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Well Its Been A yearTom Tucker: A bit of breaking news. A local family is forced out of their home by ghosts. Who are they gonna call?
Diane Simmons (sighs): Ghostbusters, Tom.
Tom Tucker: No, Diane. Their insurance company. That's just stupid what you said
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Auctioner: Our first item is a pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute.
Quagmire: Fifty bucks.
Auctioner: She had nine STDs.
Quagmire: Forty-five bucks.
Auctioner: And when we caught her she wet herself.
Quagmire: Fifty bucks.
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Quagmire (running through mall and accidentally into the camera room): Where am I, am I dead?
Security Guard: No, this is where we monitor all the dressing rooms in the mall so we can keep an eye out for shoplifters.
(Woman on Monitor has heart attack)
Quagmire: Oh my God! That one's having a heart attack! (Runs to womans dressing room.)
Quagmire: (Rubs womans chest and breathes in her mouth. Woman becomes conscious.)
Woman#2: That was amazing!
Woman#3: You saved her life!
Woman#4: Thank God you know CPR!
Quagmire: What the hell is CPR?
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Peter: If you could be stranded on a desert island with any woman in the world, who would it be?
Quagmire: Taylor Hanson.
Joe Swanson: Taylor Hanson is a guy.
Quagmire: [Laughs] You guys are yankin' me. "Hey, let's put one over on Quagmire."
Peter: No, he's actually a guy, Quagmire.
Quagmire: What? That's insane. That's impossible.
[Pause]
Quagmire: Oh God. Oh my God. I've got all these magazines. Oh God.
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Chris: What do you do at a Young Republicans meeting?
Alyssa: We help those who already have the means to help themselves. Also, we perpetuate the idea that Jesus chose America to destroy non-believers and brown people.
Chris: I don't know why, but I feel safer already.
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(Doorbell rings)
Chris: Matthew Mcconaughey?
Matthew Mcconaughey: Yeah, I'm lookin' for a guy named Stewie--
(Arrow hits him in the eye)
Matthew McConaughey: OWWWWW!
Stewie: Chris, grab his legs! I've gotta bury this thing!
Chris: But I--
Stewie: GRAB HIS LEGS!!!
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Lois: And you know what? I'm gonna take that chance my father never let me take when I was younger. I'm gonna become a model!
Peter: Hey, that's fantastic, Lois! And I'll pleasure myself to your photos.
Chris: Me too!
Meg: Me too!
Peter: Oh! Oh! God! Meg! That's sick! That's your mother!
Meg (shrugs): I'm just trying to fit in.
Peter: Get out! Get out of this house!
(Meg doesn't move. Peter punches wall.)
Peter: I SAID GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE NOW!
(Meg runs out and Peter closes the door.)
Peter: That's a good about your modeling, Lois.
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Chris: Dad, what's the blow-hole for?
Peter: I'll tell you what it's not for, son. And when I do, you'll understand why I can never go back to Sea World.
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Peter (In Asiatown): Oh my God it's Jackie Chan! (Asian guy walks away)
Peter (to next Asian guy): Oh my God it's Jackie Chan! (Asian guy again walks away)
Peter (to another Asian guy): Oh my God it's Jackie Chan!
Jackie Chan: Great to see I have a fan! Oh my God it's Ethan Hawk!
Peter: No I'm not.
Jackie Chan to Chris: Oh my God it's Ethan Hawk!
Chris: Nope.
Jackie Chan to Meg: Oh my God it's Malcom in Middle!
Meg: Im not a boy!
Jackie Chan: Yes you are.
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Chris: Doctor, I need you to get rid of this zit!
Doug (Chris's Zit): You traitor!
Doctor: Whoa, that's a doosie! I bet some of those awful kids at school call you Zit Face?
Chris: No
Doctor: Papa Zit?
Chris: No
Doctor: Pus Peak?
Chris: No
Doctor: Fat ass?
Chris: Well..yeah..
Doctor: TSk, tsk..oh, that's terrible!
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Time 4 Some Brian Qutes lolPeter: I'M RETARDED! Brian: I don't want to say "I told you so", but... YEEEAAAAAAAAAA AHHH! IN YOUR ****ING FACE! IN YOUR ****ING FACE!!! ... I am so sorry... ______________ _____ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ Brian: Peter, this is the final plague. Peter: Good cause this is starting to get boring. Brian: Peter, the final plague is the death of the first born son. Peter: Oh no Stewie! Brian: First born... Peter: Meg! Brian: Your daughter... Peter: Chris! ______________ _____ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ _ Brian: Hey, do you hear that? Peter: What? Brian: Sounds like someone's screaming. Peter: What? What is it boy? What are you trying to say? Brian: It sounds like Loretta is screaming. Peter: Trouble at the old mill? Brian: What are you insane? Peter: Somebody fall through the ice? Brian: It's summer. Peter: Bobcat? Brian: RURURURURURU!! ! Peter: Loretta's in trouble?! Come on boy! ______________ _____ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ _ Brian: You want some ice cream? Stewie: No. Brian: You want some McDonalds? Stewie: No. Brian: You want to take a dump in Mother Maggie's shoes? Stewie: Yeah. Brian: Okay, let's go and take a dump in Mother Maggie's shoes. ______________ _____ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ _ Stewie: What are the stakes of this wager? Brian: Why don't you just shut up for about a week? Stewie: Excellent, and if I win? Brian: I wasn't betting. Why don't you just shut up for about a week? Stewie (pause): You're on. ______________ _____ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ _ (Brian and Stewie are on a German tour bus.) German Tour Guide: You vill find more on Germany's contributions to ze arts in ze pamphlets ve have provided. Brian : Yeah, about your pamphlet... uh, I'm not seeing anything about German history between 1939 and 1945. There's just a big gap. Tour guide: Everyone vas on vacation. On your left is Munich's first city hall, erected in 15... Brian : Wait, what are you talking about? Germany invaded Poland in 1939 and... Tour Guide: We were invited. Punch vas served. Check vit Poland. Brian : You can't just ignore those years. Thomas Mann fled to America because of Nazism's stranglehold on Germany. Tour guide: Nope, nope. He left to manage a Dairy Queen. Brian : A Dairy Queen? That's preposterous. Tour guide: I vill hear no more insinuations about the German people. Nothing bad happened. Sie werden sich hinsetzen. Sie werden ruhig sein. Sie werden nicht beleidigen Deutschland. (You will sit down. You will shut up. You will not insult Germany.) (Throws his hand up in a Hitler salute.) Brian : Uh, is that a beer hall? Tour guide: (Snapping out of it) Oh yes, Munich is renowned for its historic beer halls. Time 4 Some Brian Qutes lolPeter: I'M RETARDED! Brian: I don't want to say "I told you so", but... YEEEAAAAAAAAAA AHHH! IN YOUR ****ING FACE! IN YOUR ****ING FACE!!! ... I am so sorry... ______________ _____ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ Brian: Peter, this is the final plague. Peter: Good cause this is starting to get boring. Brian: Peter, the final plague is the death of the first born son. Peter: Oh no Stewie! Brian: First born... Peter: Meg! Brian: Your daughter... Peter: Chris! ______________ _____ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ _ Brian: Hey, do you hear that? Peter: What? Brian: Sounds like someone's screaming. Peter: What? What is it boy? What are you trying to say? Brian: It sounds like Loretta is screaming. Peter: Trouble at the old mill? Brian: What are you insane? Peter: Somebody fall through the ice? Brian: It's summer. Peter: Bobcat? Brian: RURURURURURU!! ! Peter: Loretta's in trouble?! Come on boy! ______________ _____ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ _ Brian: You want some ice cream? Stewie: No. Brian: You want some McDonalds? Stewie: No. Brian: You want to take a dump in Mother Maggie's shoes? Stewie: Yeah. Brian: Okay, let's go and take a dump in Mother Maggie's shoes. ______________ _____ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ _ Stewie: What are the stakes of this wager? Brian: Why don't you just shut up for about a week? Stewie: Excellent, and if I win? Brian: I wasn't betting. Why don't you just shut up for about a week? Stewie (pause): You're on. ______________ _____ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ _ (Brian and Stewie are on a German tour bus.) German Tour Guide: You vill find more on Germany's contributions to ze arts in ze pamphlets ve have provided. Brian : Yeah, about your pamphlet... uh, I'm not seeing anything about German history between 1939 and 1945. There's just a big gap. Tour guide: Everyone vas on vacation. On your left is Munich's first city hall, erected in 15... Brian : Wait, what are you talking about? Germany invaded Poland in 1939 and... Tour Guide: We were invited. Punch vas served. Check vit Poland. Brian : You can't just ignore those years. Thomas Mann fled to America because of Nazism's stranglehold on Germany. Tour guide: Nope, nope. He left to manage a Dairy Queen. Brian : A Dairy Queen? That's preposterous. Tour guide: I vill hear no more insinuations about the German people. Nothing bad happened. Sie werden sich hinsetzen. Sie werden ruhig sein. Sie werden nicht beleidigen Deutschland. (You will sit down. You will shut up. You will not insult Germany.) (Throws his hand up in a Hitler salute.) Brian : Uh, is that a beer hall? Tour guide: (Snapping out of it) Oh yes, Munich is renowned for its historic beer halls.
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NEW !!!!! Quotes From Family Guy             Peter: Hey hey I got an idea. Lets play "I Never." You got to drink if you did the thing that the person says they never did. Cleveland: Oh I got one, I never slept with a women with the lights on. (They all drink.) Joe: I'll go next, uh I never had sex with Cleveland's wife. (Quagmire and Cleveland drink.) Peter: alright lets see uh, I never did a chick in a Logan airport bathroom. (Only Quagmire drinks.) ****About 33 drinks later**** Peter: God lets see what else is there um...I never gave a reach-around to a spider monkey while reciting the Pledge of Alligence. Quagmire: Oh God. (Quagmire takes a drink.) Joe: I uh I never picked up an illegal alien at Home Depot to take home a choke me while I touch myself. Quagmire: Oh come on! (Quagmire drinks again.) Peter: I never did the same thing except with someone from Joann Fabrics. Quagmire: Oh God this is ridiculous. You guys suck! (Drinks more and passes out.) ______________ _____ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ _ Peter: It's already done. I dropped them all off at Toys for Toddlers last night. Brian: All? Peter, only only one gift was for charity, the rest were for the family. Peter: No, the rest were from the family. Weren't they? (Pauses.) Oh crap...since when did they change the meaning of "for" to "from"? Brian: They had a meeting about it last night. Peter: Why wasn't I told? Brian: They sent you a card, but it said "for Peter" on it so you must of thought it was from you, so you didn't...you know, its just easier to call you stupid. ______________ _____ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ Lois: Honey, what do you say we uh...christen these new sheets, huh? Peter: Why Lois Griffin, you naughty girl. Lois: Hehehe...that's me. Peter: You dirty hustler. Lois: Hehehehe... Peter: You filthy, stinky prostitute. Lois: Aha, ok I get it... Peter: You foul, venereal disease carrying, street walking whore. Lois: Alright, that's enough! NEW !!!!! Quotes From Family Guy Peter: Hey hey I got an idea. Lets play "I Never." You got to drink if you did the thing that the person says they never did. Cleveland: Oh I got one, I never slept with a women with the lights on. (They all drink.) Joe: I'll go next, uh I never had sex with Cleveland's wife. (Quagmire and Cleveland drink.) Peter: alright lets see uh, I never did a chick in a Logan airport bathroom. (Only Quagmire drinks.) ****About 33 drinks later**** Peter: God lets see what else is there um...I never gave a reach-around to a spider monkey while reciting the Pledge of Alligence. Quagmire: Oh God. (Quagmire takes a drink.) Joe: I uh I never picked up an illegal alien at Home Depot to take home a choke me while I touch myself. Quagmire: Oh come on! (Quagmire drinks again.) Peter: I never did the same thing except with someone from Joann Fabrics. Quagmire: Oh God this is ridiculous. You guys suck! (Drinks more and passes out.) ______________ _____ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ _ Peter: It's already done. I dropped them all off at Toys for Toddlers last night. Brian: All? Peter, only only one gift was for charity, the rest were for the family. Peter: No, the rest were from the family. Weren't they? (Pauses.) Oh crap...since when did they change the meaning of "for" to "from"? Brian: They had a meeting about it last night. Peter: Why wasn't I told? Brian: They sent you a card, but it said "for Peter" on it so you must of thought it was from you, so you didn't...you know, its just easier to call you stupid. ______________ _____ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ Lois: Honey, what do you say we uh...christen these new sheets, huh? Peter: Why Lois Griffin, you naughty girl. Lois: Hehehe...that's me. Peter: You dirty hustler. Lois: Hehehehe... Peter: You filthy, stinky prostitute. Lois: Aha, ok I get it... Peter: You foul, venereal disease carrying, street walking whore. Lois: Alright, that's enough!
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Naruto ContestYay I'm A Sponsor now .............. .Anyw ay I'm Pretty Bored So Who Ever Can Post The Best Naruto Pic Wins 15 Mods Ponits! And If You See Your Pic In My Images That Means You Win LoL So This Contest Is From 10/17 to 10/28So Good Luck And My The Best Pic Win........... ..... ....Ok Everboby If You Enter The Contest Plzz Dont Enter More Then 5 Pic Naruto ContestYay I'm A Sponsor now .............. .Anyw ay I'm Pretty Bored So Who Ever Can Post The Best Naruto Pic Wins 15 Mods Ponits! And If You See Your Pic In My Images That Means You Win LoL So This Contest Is From 10/17 to 10/28So Good Luck And My The Best Pic Win........... ..... ....Ok Everboby If You Enter The Contest Plzz Dont Enter More Then 5 Pic
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Some Stewie Quotes From Family GuyStewie's Letter: Dear stupid dog, I've gone to live with the children on jolly farm. Good bye forever. Stewie. P.S. I never got a chance to return that sweater Lois gave me for Christmas. Umm, I left the receipt on top of my bureau. I'm probably over the thirty day return limit but umm… I'm sure if you make a fuss they'll at least give you a store credit or something. Umm.. It's actually not a horrible sweater. It's... It's just I can't imagine when I would ever wear it you know? Oh I also left a button on the bureau. I'm not sure what it goes to, but I can never bring myself to throw a button away. I know that as soon as I do I'll find the garment it goes to and then it'll… Wait a minute, could it be from the sweater? Did that sweater have buttons? Hmm… Well I should wrap this up before I start to ramble. Again, goodbye forever. P.P.S. You know, it might be a little chilly in London, I'm actually going to take the sweater ______________ _____ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ _ Bill Cosby: Stewie, what do you think candy is made out of? Stewie: Sunshine and farts! What the hell kind of question is that?! Stewie: I was under the impression the name of the show was "Kids Say the Darndest Things," not "Old Black Comedians Never Shut the Hell Up." ______________ _____ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ _ Stewie: Did you forge my name? How dare you! Is this backwards "S" supposed to be cute? I'm going to crap double for you tonight! Some Stewie Quotes From Family GuyStewie's Letter: Dear stupid dog, I've gone to live with the children on jolly farm. Good bye forever. Stewie. P.S. I never got a chance to return that sweater Lois gave me for Christmas. Umm, I left the receipt on top of my bureau. I'm probably over the thirty day return limit but umm… I'm sure if you make a fuss they'll at least give you a store credit or something. Umm.. It's actually not a horrible sweater. It's... It's just I can't imagine when I would ever wear it you know? Oh I also left a button on the bureau. I'm not sure what it goes to, but I can never bring myself to throw a button away. I know that as soon as I do I'll find the garment it goes to and then it'll… Wait a minute, could it be from the sweater? Did that sweater have buttons? Hmm… Well I should wrap this up before I start to ramble. Again, goodbye forever. P.P.S. You know, it might be a little chilly in London, I'm actually going to take the sweater ______________ _____ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ _ Bill Cosby: Stewie, what do you think candy is made out of? Stewie: Sunshine and farts! What the hell kind of question is that?! Stewie: I was under the impression the name of the show was "Kids Say the Darndest Things," not "Old Black Comedians Never Shut the Hell Up." ______________ _____ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ _ Stewie: Did you forge my name? How dare you! Is this backwards "S" supposed to be cute? I'm going to crap double for you tonight!
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Family Guy QuotesPeter: Everybody I've got bad news. We've been cancelled.
Lois: Oh no Peter! How could they do that?
Peter: Well unfortuantely Lois, there's just no more room on the schedule. We just gotta accept the fact that FOX has to make room for terrific shows like Dark Angel, Titus, Undeclared, Action, That 80's Show, Wonder Falls, Fast Lane, Andy Richter Controls The Universe, Skin, Girl's Club, Cracking Up, The Pitts, Firefly, Get Real, Freaky Links, Wanda At Large, Costello, The Lone Gunman, A Minute with Stan Hooper, Normal Ohio, Pasadena, Harsh Realm, Keen Eddy, The Street, American Embassy, Cedric The Entertainer, The Tick, Louie, And Greg The Bunny....
Lois: Is there no hope?
Peter: Well I suppose if ALL those shows go down the tubes we might have a shot.
LMao Family Guy Rocks
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