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| OboeCrazy |
 | Freelancer |
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40 Oboes, 71 Teams, & 27 Hours In A CarSunday morning I leave my comfy apartment in Buffalo NY and head out for an entire week. So I apologize if my normal misspelled, incoherent comments that usually appear in your journals fail to appear as I will have limited internet access and even less time. There are two reasons why I'm leaving...
1. Monday the 22nd I have an audition for the 2nd oboe/English horn position in the Richmond Symphony. So I'm driving 9 hours out to Virginia to compete against around 40 other oboists for this really nice position. How nice is it? Two words...HEALTH INSURANCE. 
Auditioning for a major orchestra is a lot like walking a tightrope wearing a brightly colored spandex outfit...everyone can see every little flaw, and if you waver too much you fall flat on your face. I have tons of audition stories, but many blend together into one picture after a while. Usually one idiot oboe player sits in a corner and insists on playing the most technically difficult passage over and over as fast as possible just to try and psyche everyone out. Usually that idiot can ONLY play that one passage, and fails miserably to play anything else, and we all snicker at their asinine attempt to make us all nervous. I will see oboists I haven't seen since the last audition cycle, and may even catch up with old friends. The audition is blind...meaning I'll play behind a screen so they can't see who I am, yet I still have to dress up. Ironic, huh?
Anyway I get 8 minutes to play pre-determined excerpts of orchestral literature, and then sit until my "block" (usually a group of 6 oboes in 1 hour) is done. At the end of the block they'll tell us who moves on to the final round the next day. Once that happened I will either return to my hotel room and spend a day being anxious and nervous in Richmond waiting for the Finals the next day...or I'll get in the car and drive 6 hours to my next destination...
2. Knoxville TN, home of the Global Finals tournament for Destination ImagiNation! I talked a bit about this in a previous journal, but this is the big time. This is the World Cup, the International Championships, the Ms. Universe but with brains. Hundreds of teams from dozens of countries will converge on the University of Tennessee Campus to see who among them is the most creative. My site is the Secondary (High School) level of How'd tHat Happen, one of the 5 main challenges kids can choose from to attempt to solve. We're the third largest site, with 71 teams...the Middle Level is second and the Elementary Level is first! So it's a long, hectic, amazing three days of competition filled with duct tape, strange hats, and more puns then you can shake a stick at! You can go to the Global Finals website to keep up to date on what's going on.
Now I'm in charge of the Secondary site, my title being the Head Appraiser. I ended up in that position for a bunch of reasons, but the main one being I helped write the How'd tHat Happen challenge with 3 other people. That means for the opening ceremonies I'll be up on stage with all the other challenge writers to get acknowledged. I got to do this last year as well, and pretty much it's an opportunity for me to be a dork in front of thousands of people. Millions if you count the fact that the ceremonies are broadcast live on the internet.
So not only can you all log onto the DI site and see me live, and see me on stage goofing off with friends...but you can also see my Dad. Yeah, my Dad helped write the structure challenge for this year (Inside Dimention) and so he'll be sitting in the back of the stage with me also goofing off. Watch us throw paper airplanes back and forth at each other! And when the fireworks show starts see if one of us trips and falls as we dash down the stairs at out of the way so we don't catch on fire!
Seriously...last year we were told by stage managers that once the cue is given we are to run. Quickly. So we don't catch on fire. You figure a creative problem solving group would come up with a better plan then RUN!!!! 
So if you really REALLY need your OboeCrazy fix, watch the broadcast and see if you can spot this loony. Otherwise I'll be back in a week and I promise to return to posting long ass journals and dropping mod points in random places.
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Send This Spartan To The Cooler!Despite having no time or money to do anything other than play oboe and try to buy a new one, I've acquired a new addition to my paltry DVD library:
No, not the oboe part to Beethoven's 3rd Symphony, I've had that forever! I'm talking about the DVD set!
Yeah, I'm a huge Hogan's Heroes fan. Especially Carter...I had a gigantic crush on Andrew Carter for the longest time. Still kinda do.  I always smile listening to Larry Hovis, the actor who played Carter and who was also a professional singer, perform "Exactly Like You". I don't own all the box sets of the show, but I had to get season two for three reasons:
 I love the show
It was only $25
It is the only set so far with BLOOPERS!!
I'm a huge bloopers fan. I will watch bloopers for shows I have never seen. So the chance to see Carter AND bloopers at the same time was too great to resist.
Right now Red vs Blue dominates my tiny little collection of DVDs, and as I went to place Carter next to Caboose I realized both shows have a lot in common. Allow me to demonstrate in this short skit...
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O'Malley: Buhaha! You foolish fools! Don't you know that no one has ever escaped from my Box Canyon? It was foolish of you to try! Isn't that right, Lopez?
Lopez: ?No s? nada! ?Nada!
O'Malley: That's ridiculous, you're only a head, you should at least be able to see!
Tucker: This is stupid, why can't we just escape Blood Gulch and find somewhere else...somewhere with more ladies?
Sarge: Because the security of our operation depends on our staying right here, moron! We're uncovering vital intelligence for the war effort by spying on our enemies!
Church: If by spying you mean standing around waiting for Lopez to say something we can understand, then yes, we're spying.
Caboose: Ohhh! With Andy's help we can make a huge explosion, and then uncover all the secrets!
Donut: Or we can dress up as women and pretend we're traveling around entertaining all the troops. And I can do my Marilyn Monroe impression! I've got the wig and dress and everything!
Simmons: Donut why do all your plans involve wearing women's clothing?
Griff: Maybe he's trying to get a Section 8.
Tex: Wrong war show.
Griff: Oh. Crap!
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Uh...ok, maybe that didn't go as planned.  Anyway if you get a chance take a quick look through your channels for Hogan's Heroes. It's ridiculous and hysterical and worth a sit down to watch...a lot like RvB!
Hey, you think it's a coincidence that the demolitions expert on Hogan's Heroes is Andrew and the bomb in RvB is named Andy? What is it with people named Andy wanting to blow things up?
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Wait...Buffalo Might Actually Win?!This was going to be a Mother's Day Journal...but a few things happened:
Every friend of mine posted a mother's day journal
I love my Mom, but I admit I think Mother's Day is a ploy by Hallmark to get us to buy more cards and candy
Elnea already did it better than I could 
So I will indulge in the one thing that most people usually don't think about when considering Mom in all her glory...sports.
I'm not a huge sports fan. With the exception of the Olympics I really don't like watching sports on TV, and while going to games can be fun I'm usually there more for the atmosphere and company than the competition on the field. Living in Buffalo, however, means that you are legally required to root for the few professional sports franchises we have, the big ones being football's Buffalo Bill and hockey's Buffalo Sabres. The Bills have a long history of yanking hope out from under the collective feet of the entire Western New York region. The four years they went to the Super Bowl (and lost) were my four years of High School, if that gives you any idea about fate and luck in our town.
However Buffalo people are also eternally realistic and optimistic at the same time. We know chances are we're gonna loose, but we still party beforehand like we will win, and celebrate what little was accomplished after we don't. I'm pretty sure that first return from the lost Super Bowl we had a party to rival other towns who actually WON.
So once again the entire city finds itself gripped by the mania of sports fever, as this weekend the Sabres closed out their series with Ottawa 4-1 and will move one step closer to the Stanley Cup.
I know nothing about this game besides the absurdly basic facts of players, puck and goal. My only concern when hockey was on strike for a year was the loss of vital revenue to our dying downtown. I have never been to a hockey game, never sat down to watch a hockey game, and couldn't tell you one Scandinavian or Russian or Canadian player from another.
But even I have caught a bit of Sabres Fever.
And I can just imagine the party this city will have if we actually win the Stanley Cup. I can clearly picture everyone with a day off of work or school, turning that day into a regional holiday. New Years Eve in New York would look like a quiet gathering a church basement compared to the spectacular that will happen. For that one day we will not be the city covered in snow, or who lost wide right, or who lost by hitting the post, or who is practically a part of Canada...
...we will be winners.
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And Now Back To Season 4...DHL dropped off a lovely package at my apartment today:  Yea yeah, everyone's all excited about the Halo 3 trailer, and so am I...but LOOK! It's Season 4 of Red vs Blue on DVD!!! WO HO! I haven't had a chance to watch everything yet, however I have watched most of the bonus features and the outtakes are, as always hysterical. And it's great to see updated profiles for all the characters, though I'm quite surprised and happy about Church. Reading his profile and never having seen the show, you'd think he's a great guy with a big conscience who really cares about his team and the fate of the universe. That's the Church we all know and love...and hates us right back. Anyway I did find a few hidden selections...p robab ly not all of them, but a few that I figured I'd share. I won't tell you what they are, just to keep the suspense and perhaps entice some of you to buy the DVD if you haven't already, but I'll tell you how to get there: On the Main Menu screen, if you leave it idle for 2 minutes and 2 seconds you get a short clip. On the Scene Selection 63-68 screen, highlight 69-74 and go down and a scene should automatically start. On the Scene Selection 75-Credits screen, highlight Intro-62 and go up and a scene should automatically start. On the Bonus Features screen, highlight Deleted Scenes and go left and a scene should automatically start. On the Character Profiles screen, highlight Main and go right and then press enter or play or whatever you use to get thing started. That's all I've found. If anyone has any others post them here and I'll offer up some mods. Otherwise I'm gonna go enjoy the commentary. Mmm...listenin g to the guys talk over their own talking... And Now Back To Season 4...DHL dropped off a lovely package at my apartment today: Yea yeah, everyone's all excited about the Halo 3 trailer, and so am I...but LOOK! It's Season 4 of Red vs Blue on DVD!!! WO HO! I haven't had a chance to watch everything yet, however I have watched most of the bonus features and the outtakes are, as always hysterical. And it's great to see updated profiles for all the characters, though I'm quite surprised and happy about Church. Reading his profile and never having seen the show, you'd think he's a great guy with a big conscience who really cares about his team and the fate of the universe. That's the Church we all know and love...and hates us right back. Anyway I did find a few hidden selections...p robab ly not all of them, but a few that I figured I'd share. I won't tell you what they are, just to keep the suspense and perhaps entice some of you to buy the DVD if you haven't already, but I'll tell you how to get there: On the Main Menu screen, if you leave it idle for 2 minutes and 2 seconds you get a short clip. On the Scene Selection 63-68 screen, highlight 69-74 and go down and a scene should automatically start. On the Scene Selection 75-Credits screen, highlight Intro-62 and go up and a scene should automatically start. On the Bonus Features screen, highlight Deleted Scenes and go left and a scene should automatically start. On the Character Profiles screen, highlight Main and go right and then press enter or play or whatever you use to get thing started. That's all I've found. If anyone has any others post them here and I'll offer up some mods. Otherwise I'm gonna go enjoy the commentary. Mmm...listenin g to the guys talk over their own talking...
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Lead Me Not To Temptation...I spent most of this weekend playing a concert series about an hour and a half away from me. It was a good few concerts, however there were a few stumbles...literally. We played "Promenade" by John Corigliano and it involves the entire orchestra walking onto the stage while playing. Orchestral musicians are surprisingly uncoordinated on their feet, and we had to dodge stands and chairs and other performers and...well...let's just say there were no major injuries.
Anyway Sunday morning I'm out to brunch with some of the orchestra members and I get a phonecall from my parents. After exchanging pleasantries this happens:
Dad: "Hey, do you want an Xbox 360?"
Me, jaw on floor suddenly, "Hell yea!"
Dad, "Well we got one over at Circuit City. But then we stopped at Best Buy and we got a better deal over there. So right now I have two in my trunk and I only want one. Want to buy the second one?"
I think I was silent for a long time as my mind started to scream YOU HAVE TWO 360'S IN YOUR TRUNK?! YOU HAVE TWO 360'S IN YOUR TRUNK?! YOU HAVE TWO...
...that goes on for a while.
So I stopped by their house today, fortunately only about ten minutes from my apt. And there they are:
I even convinced him to buy Oblivion!
However after much debate I have decided not to buy the second one from my parents.
...
OK, have you stopped screaming at me? Good. I'll repeat... I'm not buying it. For three reasons:
As mentioned in previous journals, I need a new oboe. This is $400.00 for the new oboe.
I really want it for Halo 3...and that's not out yet.
My parents live 10 minutes away and have Oblivion.
So you see? It works out for the best! I don't have to spend the money right now on a 360, and yet this weekend I will still be playing Oblivion...uh...spending a lot more time with my folks!
EDIT: Listen, I'm going to get a 360...it WILL happen. Just not right now. For now I play only Halo and DDR on the XBox, and I will get the 360 long before Halo 3 comes out. But for now I need the money more than the machine. And I still get to play Oblivion! And no, I can't sell you the extra machine, my parents took it back to CC after I said no.
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New Oboes Part 2: Spitting In CrapHave you ever spit into a $6,000 piece of crap? I did.
Wait...let me back up and explain. Especially since the official total number of people who care about this is up from 2 to 5.
Last week I received two new oboes from Forrest's Music, a standard model and a Royal. These were two new ones I got after sending back the last two I talked about in my first New Oboe Journal. The Royal was fine, though not really the sound I was looking for. The standard, however, had problems. First off, there is a huge honkin' knot in the wood right in the back...knots are imperfections in the wood, and are completely unacceptable in a wood instrument. Then the very top of the instrument had a sloppy marking. Loree oboes come with a gold etched "F. Loree Paris" at the top right by the first octave key. Not only was the imprint really deep in the wood, but the gold was dribbled down the side of the oboe like a child had done the coloring! And finally it was flat. Really flat. How flat? Think holy crap I'm in another key flat.
The oboe was a piece of crap. A piece of crap that I paid to have shipped out to me and then had to pay to send back. A piece of crap that would cost $6,000 to buy. A piece of crap that, when I called the company to explain, said that they don't think is that bad, and wouldn't cover any expense to return or send a new one, and insisted they'd sent me a perfectly fine instrument.
Imagine you have bought an Xbox 360 (still a dream for me). You get it home, open the box, and find the 360 is covered in scratches, dents, and looks like it's been used and abused for months. Then when you plug it in you find the processor is faulty and it lags when playing EVERYTHING. And when you try to bring it back to the store they insist there is nothing wrong with it. Wouldn't you be pissed off?
That's what happened to me...except it was a professional oboe worth about 12 XBoxes.
"Fine," I said to Forrest Music, "Screw you! I will take my business elsewhere!"
OK I didn't actually say "screw you" but I thought it!
So yesterday I got four...yes FOUR new oboes from The McFarland Double Reed shop in GA. Two AK models and two Royals. Look:
Ooohhh....pretty!
I'm still trying out the AK models, but the Royals really haven't impressed me with their sound overall. Though they do have a nice bell. They take out the annoying useless metal ring around the whole bell, and add a useless but much less annoying plate. Below is a shot of all four new oboe bells and mine. The angle makes the right ones look bigger, but they're all about the same size. From left to right it's mine, the two Royals, and the two AK models.
For those of you keeping score, this picture alone holds $32,000.00 worth of instruments:
Adding those to the other oboes I've tried and I've managed to spit into over $90,000.00 worth of wood from France in the last month. Now if I can just find the PERFECT piece of wood to spit into I'll be all set!
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Me And My Potty Mouth...I find people who cheat on XBL have no soul.
OK wait, that might be a bit strong. But come on, it's a GAME for cryin' out loud. And the number that shows your rank means nothing in the long run. However some people insist on modding, and it's starting to piss me off...not because of ranks, but because in the end it's just 10 minutes of game time that are unplayable.
Take this game I played last Friday:
No, that isn't doctored. It was a slayer game and my team got 2 kills. Now I play all the time with Chugabooe, Shogintsu, and gemstar, and they are deadly at this game. And I like to think I've gotten pretty good myself. And we were paired with people about the same level as us. So right there should tell you something was up.
Chugabooe is a smart gal, and got most of the game on video. You can check it out in her most recent journal. Obviously they were modding the game, some sort of lag/bridge/crap thing that made them and their vehicles impossible to hit. It also made all my grenades disappear, and just as I would finally get a beat on one of them I'd suddenly appear on the other side of the map.
I chalked it up to Live being stupid, until I saw the kill frenzy going on with the other team. Lag usually gets everyone equally...and doesn't spontaneously appear only when I'm about to kill someone.
The only downside of Chuga's video is there is no audio. Actually that might be a good thing, as I know I swore up a storm when I realized what was going on. I'm not the most vocal player during games. If it's an individual game, not a team game, I'll often just mute my mic so I don't give anything away if I yell or scream out loud. But in this case, for some reason, the cheating just hit me extra hard.
Allow me to give a small demonstration of what I was shouting into the mic during the game:
Me: "Crap on a...where the HELL did he go? What the FUCK is going on? He's coming over...wait, no, now he's back at the base....shit, I'm dead!! How the heck did he kill me? Stupid cheating sons of...ok I've got one pinned down over...damnit I'm on the other side of the map. How the HELL did I get over on the other side of the map? I was just OVER THERE!! Hey! Fucktards?! Stop bridging and start playing! OK...screw this, I'm gonna go hide in the base. Everyone meet me by the base."
Chuga: "If we can get to the base!"
Me: "Yeah, ok, so it make take forever but SON OF A BITCH how did I not board the warthog?! I was in the seat and now it's coming at me!! AAAAHHHH!!!"
Not the most eloquent statements. More like verbal diarrhea. But you get my point.
Oh, and if you see any of those guys we played against, yell at them for me?
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Working Out...A Dirty Job...The Colonel has been trying to help many of us on RvB turn from our sloth-like, flabby ways and get back into the shape we wish to be. His journals have inspired me to try and make my normal gym workouts a bit more strenuous. And by a bit I mean holy crap on a stick I'm going to fall over and die now. But if it means I can wear shorts and be happy about it this summer then I will die happy.  My biggest problem with working out is the repetitive nature of it. I get bored easily, watch the little workout clock, and after five minutes must go find something more entertaining to do than run on a treadmill and go nowhere. I thought that listening to music would help, as I am an audiophile and musician and must consume mass quantities of auditory stimuli to survive. However I've discovered this doesn't keep my eyes engaged, and I still watch the little clock on the treadmill for five minutes and then decide to listen to my Barenaked Ladies elsewhere. However my ears are well trained enough that I can tune out the noise and crap around me and concentrate on something else...like reading. And that keeps my eyes engaged. And as long as I'm distracted by something entertaining then suddenly it's 40 minutes later and I've burned off a couple hundred calories. So over the last year or so that I've been doing the gym thing I've read through stacks of newspapers, mounds of Wired articles, and spent more time reading the various video game magazines then playing the games. When desperate I will even turn to the stack of ultra-feminine printed crap my gym keeps around...the stuff that claims to help you spice up your sex life, target and reduce belly fat, has the latest scoop on all the celebrities I could care less about, and tells you in great detail how your hair/clothing/ makeu p stink and where you should go to get new stuff. But what works the best are books. I've always been a voracious reader. Some of you are out there and know what I mean...we're the kind that started reading around 10pm and the next thing we know it's 3am and we just gotta finish one...more...c hapte r! Especially if it's science fiction, fantasy, or really good humor I can't put it down. Books make me happy. And books while working out give me plenty of time being happy on a treadmill. Look, I'm expanding my mind AND reducing my thighs at the same time! My latest find comes from my Dad. He's pretty much responsible for my taste in almost all entertainment. Chances are if my Dad says, "Give this a try, you'll enjoy it." then I will. He was right about SciFi, he was right about Tolkien, he was right about Douglas Adams, he was right about Hogan's Heroes, he was right about D&D and ZORK...OK so we don't really agree on the whole Neil Young thing, but no one is perfect! Anyway while on a trip to Barnes And Nobel he showed me this:  A Dirty Job by Mr. Moore is everything I love about reading. It's fantasy, it's funny, it's got great characters, it's got a twisted plot, it's got gigantic demon dogs who eat anything and everything...i t's great! And I say that not even having finished the book! It's the story of Charlie Asher, a man who looses his wife in childbirth and gains not just a new daughter but a new job...as an agent of Death. He collects the souls of the dearly departed to pass on to new bodies, even if the soul happens to reside in the breast implants of a trophy wife. And his daughter has the power to kill people by saying "kitty". And the person who informs him of his new job is a tall, powerful black man who wears nothing but bright green suits and is called Minty Fresh. And that doesn't even get into his lesbian sister, the two greatest superpowers of the world who are his daughter's nannies, or the aforementioned demon dogs. So if you're looking for a great read, check out A Dirty Job. And if you have any suggestions for new books to read, let me know. That treadmill is still calling me...  Working Out...A Dirty Job...The Colonel has been trying to help many of us on RvB turn from our sloth-like, flabby ways and get back into the shape we wish to be. His journals have inspired me to try and make my normal gym workouts a bit more strenuous. And by a bit I mean holy crap on a stick I'm going to fall over and die now. But if it means I can wear shorts and be happy about it this summer then I will die happy. My biggest problem with working out is the repetitive nature of it. I get bored easily, watch the little workout clock, and after five minutes must go find something more entertaining to do than run on a treadmill and go nowhere. I thought that listening to music would help, as I am an audiophile and musician and must consume mass quantities of auditory stimuli to survive. However I've discovered this doesn't keep my eyes engaged, and I still watch the little clock on the treadmill for five minutes and then decide to listen to my Barenaked Ladies elsewhere. However my ears are well trained enough that I can tune out the noise and crap around me and concentrate on something else...like reading. And that keeps my eyes engaged. And as long as I'm distracted by something entertaining then suddenly it's 40 minutes later and I've burned off a couple hundred calories. So over the last year or so that I've been doing the gym thing I've read through stacks of newspapers, mounds of Wired articles, and spent more time reading the various video game magazines then playing the games. When desperate I will even turn to the stack of ultra-feminine printed crap my gym keeps around...the stuff that claims to help you spice up your sex life, target and reduce belly fat, has the latest scoop on all the celebrities I could care less about, and tells you in great detail how your hair/clothing/ makeu p stink and where you should go to get new stuff. But what works the best are books. I've always been a voracious reader. Some of you are out there and know what I mean...we're the kind that started reading around 10pm and the next thing we know it's 3am and we just gotta finish one...more...c hapte r! Especially if it's science fiction, fantasy, or really good humor I can't put it down. Books make me happy. And books while working out give me plenty of time being happy on a treadmill. Look, I'm expanding my mind AND reducing my thighs at the same time! My latest find comes from my Dad. He's pretty much responsible for my taste in almost all entertainment. Chances are if my Dad says, "Give this a try, you'll enjoy it." then I will. He was right about SciFi, he was right about Tolkien, he was right about Douglas Adams, he was right about Hogan's Heroes, he was right about D&D and ZORK...OK so we don't really agree on the whole Neil Young thing, but no one is perfect! Anyway while on a trip to Barnes And Nobel he showed me this: A Dirty Job by Mr. Moore is everything I love about reading. It's fantasy, it's funny, it's got great characters, it's got a twisted plot, it's got gigantic demon dogs who eat anything and everything...i t's great! And I say that not even having finished the book! It's the story of Charlie Asher, a man who looses his wife in childbirth and gains not just a new daughter but a new job...as an agent of Death. He collects the souls of the dearly departed to pass on to new bodies, even if the soul happens to reside in the breast implants of a trophy wife. And his daughter has the power to kill people by saying "kitty". And the person who informs him of his new job is a tall, powerful black man who wears nothing but bright green suits and is called Minty Fresh. And that doesn't even get into his lesbian sister, the two greatest superpowers of the world who are his daughter's nannies, or the aforementioned demon dogs. So if you're looking for a great read, check out A Dirty Job. And if you have any suggestions for new books to read, let me know. That treadmill is still calling me...
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