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JokeTen Commandments of a Teen
1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
(why wait that long)

2) Thou shall not do drugs.
(alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.)

3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart.
(Walmart has a bigger selection)

4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism.
(destruction has a bigger effect)

5) Thou shall not steal from your parents.
(everyone knows grandma has more money)

6) Thou shall not get into fights.
(Cat fight anyhow...just start them.)

7) Thou shall not skip class.
(just take the whole day off)

8) Thou shall not strip in class.
(Hooters pays more)

9) Thou shall not think about having sex.
(like Nike says, "just do it")

10) Thou shall not help old ladies across the street.
(just leave'm in the middle)

6 years ago | Comments (2)

preist

Joke if you likeA man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, 'What are these, Dad?'

To which the man matter-of-factly replies, 'Those are called condoms, son.... Men use them to have safe sex.'

'Oh I see,' replied the boys pensively. 'Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school.' He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, 'Why are there 3 in this package.'

The dad replies, 'Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday.'

'Cool!' says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, 'Then who are these for?' 'Those are for college men.' the dad answers, 'TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday.'

'WOW!' exclaimed the boy, 'then who uses THESE?' he asks, picking up a 12 pack. With a sigh, the dad replied, 'Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March........'

6 years ago | Comments (1)

preist

Interesting21 slogans for condom makers:

1. Cover your stump before you hump
2. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker
3. Don't be silly, protect your willy
4. When in doubt, shroud your spout
5. Don't be a loner, cover your boner
6. You can't go wrong if you shield your dong
7. If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it
8. If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey
9. If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize
10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter
11. She won't get sick if you wrap your dick
12. If you go into heat, package your meat
13. While you're undressing venus, dress up your penis
14. When you take off her pants and blouse, slip up your trouser mouse
15. Especially in December, gift wrap your member
16. Never, never deck her with an unwrapped pecker
17. Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool
18. The right selection will protect your erection
19. Wrap it in foil before checking her oil
20. A crank with armor will never harm her
21. No glove, no love!

6 years ago | Comments (0)

preist

Moral of the weekA man and his girlfriend had been dating for over a year, and so they decided to get married. His parents helped out in every way, his friends encouraged him, and his girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering him, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. His prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and he got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked him to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when he arrived. She whispered to him that soon he was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for him that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told him that she wanted to make love to him just once before he got married and committed his life to her sister. He was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." He was stunned. He was frozen in shock as he watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at him. He stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. He opened the door and stepped out of the house. He walked straight towards his car. His future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged him and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

"The moral of this story is:"

"Always keep your condoms in your car."

6 years ago | Comments (1)

preist

JokesA language instructor was explaining to her class that French nouns, unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine. Things like 'chalk' or 'pencil, ' she described, would have a gender association although in English these words were neutral. Puzzled, one student raised his hand and asked, 'What gender is a computer?'

The teacher wasn't certain which it was, and so divided the class into two groups and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. One group was made up of the women in the class, and the other, of men. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.

3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you might have had a better model.

The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

6 years ago | Comments (1)

preist

English Exam!!!I've got english exams today and tommorow.You honestly don't know how much this sucks

7 years ago | Comments (1)

preist

Moral of the Day10% of the women had sex within the first hour of their first date.
20% of the men had sex in a non-traditional place.
36% of the women favour nudity.
45% of the women prefer dark men with blue eyes.
46% of the women experienced anal sex.
70% of the women prefer sex in the morning.
80% of the men have never experienced homosexual relations.
90% of the women would like to have sex in the forest.
99% of the women have never experienced sex in the office.

Conclusion:

Statistically speaking, you have a better chance of having anal sex in the morning with a strange woman in the forest than to have sex in the office at the end of the day.

Moral:

Do not stay late in the office. Nothing good will ever come of it!

7 years ago | Comments (1)

preist

Indoor Golf1. Each player should furnish his own equipment for play - normally one club and two balls.

2. Play on the course should be approved by the owner of the hole.

3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.

4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check the shaft stiffness before play.

5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.

6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.

7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course with special attention to the well formed bunkers.

8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played, or are currently playing, to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage players equipment for this reason.

9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own protection.

10. Players should assure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing on what they considered to be a private course.

11. Players should not assume that a course is in shape for play at all times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternative means of play when this is the case.

12. The course owner is responsible for manicuring and pruning any bush around the hole to allow for improved viewing of, alignment with, and approach to the hole.

13. Players are advised to obtain the course owners permission before attempting to play the back nine.

14. Slow play is encouraged. However players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily at the course owners request.

15. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match

7 years ago | Comments (0)