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8 years ago (10/04/04)
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4 years ago
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In and out and In againnot so good with keepin' it current, huh? 
life has been pretty crazy, and truth be told I've been having a knock down battle royale with depression.
my health insurance kicked in last month so as soon as i get my Bush Bucks I'll be working on acquiring my own scrip for Happy Pills.
it has taken me a very long time to acknowledge and accept that getting a Rx for an anti-depressant or other such "adjustments" isn't a bad, foul, evil, thing that defines me as a failure and someone unable to manage their own life.
what I've slowly realized and have been working through (myself) is that my normal coping mechanisms that i've utilized for the last 20+ years are no longer enough. as i've gotten older i've stretched myself thinner and acquired more obligations and responsibilities... and i don't have the energy and focus i once had to muddle through it.
i scare myself because i'm suddenly so quick to anger, my anger is often irrational and intense and triggered by the smallest things. My road rage is down right certifiable. i catch myself with this furrow-browed scowl most of the time, i can feel my eyebrows settling low across my eyes, i can feel the frown tugging down the corners of my mouth... its this physical weight that just pulls everything about me 'down,' my shoulders, my chest, everything is just... down. i can't quiet that little voice in the back of my head that always goes on and on about how everyone is out to get me, or everyone hates me or i'm not good enough or they're all laughing at me or i'm a failure etc... and the voice is getting louder and more insistent. i see all this, i recognize it, but i can't stop it or reason it away.
part of that insufficient coping has involved pulling away from a number of things that used to take up so much of my time and entertainment... this isn't the only forum environment i've neglected, but i'm going to try and get going once more (and prob twice more, and thrice more, and so on... heh)
so yeah, if you were any kind of curious... that's where i've been... sorta. just, workin' shit out, ya know?
===
hmm, on the good news front... I am now a Microsoft Certified Professional. passed my exam 2 weeks ago. I'm documentably certifiable
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Congrats on you're certification. I'm planning on doing some Certs dealing with the Devil's handywork myself.
The other thing which my bi-polar friend says helps is to cut out all the junk food. The colourings and sugar/corn syrup and MSG in even something like KFC can have a real depressive effect on your system. Her bi-polar has been much more manageable since her baby son has been here as she properly cooks rather than eating take out all the time.
Yay for getting certified! You are brill!