People are fucked up
I wrote a journal about this when I was new here, but I wanted to touch on it again since I actually have people who care about what I say now.
You may not know I was once a father to a little boy. Throughout the entire 9 month pregnancy I offered support and was there to help with what I could. When he was born it was the proudest I have ever felt and it is an interesting feeling to go from being somewhat detached to knowing you would gladly die for someone if you had to.
For 8 months I raised that little boy and I was happy. It did not take long before his mother started hounding me for more money even though I was paying child support. She started using him as a bargaining chip and would not let me see him. I finally told her I will see her in court and that's when shit hit the fan. She told me I needed to get a DNA test and I immediately knew what that meant, but held out some hope.
No surprise, the test came back and said I was not the father. I am not a violent person and would never hit a female unless I HAD to defend myself, but I came close to fucking snapping here. This was by far the most heartbreaking experience I have ever felt and probably ever will feel in my entire life. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with some people? How did the guilt not eat at her this whole time? She picked the daddy she wanted and could not control him so she decided to get real with me and come clean to the real father, who luckily stepped up and provides for the little guy!
The reason I am bringing this up is because she just sent me a friend request on FB and I have decided to accept it. She finally apologized and was crying about how shitty she felt inside. I did not try to comfort her in the slightest and she deserves everything she is feeling. I did however get to see some pics of the little guy growing up and that has it's value to me. For 8 months I was his father and that is a love that is hard to shake.
I might not be a part of all that anymore, but I thought it was worth sharing that holding a grudge is only poisonous to yourself and does nothing to the other person or party. Let that shit go once you are able, forgive when you can and just be the one to say "this is my life and I decide how it goes. I am the one in control and will not give my power away to someone that will abuse it!"
So there is a nice story from my past. I know damn well that I will always go for the DNA test in the future and I don't give a fuck if it offends anybody. I'm not going through that again.
Twas I!!! Haha I almost got a B but I went to the Prof to show him I wrote all the information and he gave me the points! I got an A wooop! Late nights studying paid off!