I forget sometimes that I'm an attractive or like able person. You might say that I have a poor self image, I'd rather think that this observation is the result of my consistently high standards. The fact that I am liked and likable, surprises me. At times it becomes a fact that I cannot ignore when the behavior of others cannot be explained by politeness or social protocol, but instead are the result of their honest appreciation of me. When this happens, I am either ashamedly surprised or arrogantly self assured. There is no middle ground.
We are a society which adores self confidence and yet abhors the plain statement of this self assurance. It is a part of the dance that I only know to do unconsciously. When I perform, which is to say when I am around others, I must be oblivious to the very qualities which I acknowledge with my self assurance. So it is thus that I am surprised when someone calls me out on my achievement of earnest confidence backed by true skill. Perhaps this is part of the dance too, for if I were not surprised by my own achievement in earning their admiration then I would be conceited and thus unattractive.
I guess to me I'm just me, nothing special, just same old person who's always hanging around me. And I forget then that others do not know me, and that in fact there might be something special in the time we spend with others.
I could say that I'm lucky when I look at others and see what I have that they do not. But that would not be true, for I once had little and worked to make something of myself so I am not lucky. Except in that I tried and succeeded.
I hope as much for anyone.My Love - The Bird and the Bee