4 years ago
1. Buy EPIC boobies dress depicted in default picture.
2. Wear EPIC boobies dress depicted in default picture.
3. Go to a pre-arrange meet up with a bunch of strangers and one of the hippest restaurants in the city of Houston.
4. Text your girlfriend that loves that particular restaurant where you are. If you play your cards right, conversation will go as follows:
Me: At Straits without my woman!
Gf: I can get showered and stuff and meet you up. I've got my car now.
Me: Yessss! I need my sexy arm candy!
Gf: K lemme get off my ass starting right now! Are you going to be my man tonight and buy me a drink or do I need to start pre-drinking?
Me: I'll be your man. There are also men here with me.
Gf: Woo hoo! I better get sexy.
5. Talk said girlfriend up and get every one excited that she is coming because she is apparently EPIC. While chatting up strangers, find out they are BP damage consultants and make EPIC dough. Ka-Ching!
6. Get drunk on someone else's dime.
7. Greet EPIC girlfriend in a lesbian-ish way because you are drunk when she shows up.
8. Forget what happens from then until you convince everyone to go to a Korean karaoke bar down the street because you are drunk.
9. Laugh like a maniac while a bunch of drunk white men stumble around with microphones singing Zombie by Cranberries.
10. Realize that you shouldn't be laughing because you did it the same thing before they did and the only reason you aren't doing it is because you don't have a mic at the moment.
11. Have EPIC girlfriend motor boat you and give you a lap dance to encourage rich consultant group's generosity.
12. Somehow get a hold of the mike again.
13. Say good bye to rich consultants at 1 AM because they have to work.
14. Go to another bar with EPIC girlfriend.
15. Get even drunker and someone else's dime, because you have EPIC boobies that look EPIC in your boobie dress.
16. Meet your EPIC girlfriend's sex god of a neighbor at the bar. Drive him home because he live right next to your girlfriend.
17. Become utterly confused when girlfriend pushes you into his apartment and proceeds to roll around on the floor with you, while saying, "I know you are curious! We can have a threesome!"
18. Laugh it off when sex god says no, because he is honest to goodness sick and is okay with boning your girlfriend because he has been there and done that before but would rather make a good impression on me because if he were to fool around with me, he wants to make sure it is good enough that I'd come back for more.
18. Go next door to girlfriend's place because, I'm hungry, she is horny and I'm tired.
19. Eat, remember you left your purse at sex god's place and walk in on them going at it.
20. Laugh because you knew that is how it was going to go down while you grab your purse, go back next door and crawl into bed.
21. Wake up to happy girlfriend saying, "Thanks for getting me laid."
22. Insist that you are too tired when your girlfriend tries to roll you over on you back to return the favor.
23. Wake up feeling like a champ because you don't have a hangover, even after having 8 shots of hard liquor the night before. Then laugh at your girlfriend because she does.
24. Check your phone to find a bunch of new FR's on facebook, missed calls and tons of text messages thanking you for making the night EPIC.
25. Get text from girlfriend asking if it is okay to give sex god your number.
That's how you have an EPIC night.
4 years ago
4 years ago
5 years ago
I'm considering becoming a police officer. Why? No, I'm not applying just so I can own a pair of handcuffs. About a year ago a couple of officers said that they needed a mind like mine on the force and that I'd make a good detective. I DID solve more crime on the property that I was leasing at than all 14 of our HPD courtesy officers combined, BUT I brushed them off because I assumed they just wanted their referral bonuses (they get money for recruiting newbies) and didn't think they were being genuine about it.
This weekend my brother ran away from home and was gone for three days. My dad filed a runaway report and wouldn't let me in on the action.
I finally broke him down and made him let me help and it took me 5 minutes to find out where he was and another 10 minutes to pick him up. This is with police already on the case for about 2 days.
Oh... also, I can do this at 100 yards:
Oh... and some douche bit me in a club this weekend. Just randomly grabbed my arm and bit me. Fucker.
5 years ago
It was nice to wake up under the comforter with someone who radiates heat like a furnace.
So... 26 year old virgin boytoy wants things to be more serious and is making it obvious by pushing the idea of a road trip here in the very near future. Not sure how I feel about that yet.
5 years ago
I DO NOT ACCEPT RANDOM FRIENDS REQUESTS!
I would like to enjoy some pleasant internet banter with you before I accept you as a friend. Please make an effort.
I'm half Korean... half everything else. Raised in Texas and I love a good steak and some bbq.
For those of you that wish to stalk me discreetly.
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